Monday, March 21, 2011

Nostalgia - The Years Gone By

Whenever my thought wanders back to those years gone by, I feel there is a tinge of sadness.  I simply come to terms with life that every facet of my life has evolved tremendously. Life is moving at a speed so fast that everything is seemed so  distant. I just wonder how long  can I go on. When will be the end? Maybe not in the too distant future. I was about to write an entry in my blog concerning my children when they were small. Those tender years that I nurtuterd them. The years that I used to educate them. The days we were together. Sharing and accommodating each other. Back to those years things are still vivid in my mind. So dear in my memory. The memory enliven my being what I am now.

When the eldest was born 29 May 1973 I was so jubilant. Could be euphoria. Eureka. My first baby. As a father I was expecting a boy. But then a child is a child. She is always welcome. I adored her. She could be my torch bearer. I never discriminate my children whether she is the eldest or the youngest. Never discriminate their gender. They are all my children. My dear children. My dear blood and flesh. My soul. My gratitude to Allah for blessing me with the best children that I have. Each and everyone of them is dear to me in their own and different ways. Each and everyone of them is special. They have all grown up now. Seven are graduates. Each of them has his or her own success stories. They are holding respectable jobs. Economically stable and enjoying their lives. That is the purpose of education. The ultimate is to be self sufficient, self-relient and  self sustanaible. Five of them are married. 12 grandchildren between them. Only the third is long overdue. Still waiting. My prayer unto them. May Allah bestows upun her and her husband the children that will be dear to them. Children that ensure a long heritage. My heritage.

Occasionallay I would flipped through those family albums that spanned more that five decades. How I wish I could be back to those years. Those tiny children engulfed my memory.  Engulfed my emotions. I could still remember the times I played around with them. Entertaining their wishes. Telling them stories. Sending them to schools. Helping them with their homeworks. Bringing them around the country.  The holidays spent together. Enjoying the comfort of being a government officer. Yes! Frequenting  hotels for meetings and workshops. That were the experiences they acquired. Blending them into children of the world. When I brought the first five of them on a crusade around the world they were simply sampling life. Their  future. The impetus needed cascading on life full of zest. Converging on success of being wellbeing.  Turning all their efforts to maintain  a demeanour of success.

Alhamdulillah, four of them managed to further their studies abroad. Two to US. One to Lancaster, England. One to Al-Azhar University, Egypt. Three has graduated. One still pursuing his studies. Four graduated from  local universities. The youngest is about to embark on her endeavour to success at International Islamic University Malaysia this coming September 2011.  It is almost there. InsyaAllah in about four years from now all nine of them will be graduates either from local or foreign universities. It has been a success story all along. The script  Allah bestowes upon us is simply perfect.  Nevertheless, those years that we were together are gone. It will never come back. I could never look back. It is always the way forward.

I have to accept the fact that both of us are back to square one. Most of the times I and my wife are alone. Together the two of us. Savouring what is left of our lives. Happy being able in discharging our duties. We have been alone together since the youngest went to boarding school way back in 2005.  The house that used to be full of laughter and cries will be enliven now and then when they come back for a short stay. A day or two. Maybe during the Hari Rayas they stay longer. Other days the house is so quite. Maybe a bit tranquil. Lacking luster that used to be.

Most often I and my wife have no time to brood or to dwell on any subject concerning our children. We are busy enough. Maybe too busy. Exhausted when we reach home everyday. Without fail. Day in and day out we leave our house before eight every morning. The whole day the house will be empty. We reach home at about seven in the evening. We are out again after our Maghrib prayer. We are together again at about 10.00 pm. What a life. We made that choice a long time ago. She busies herself. She has a life dear to her. Moving around teaching the holy Quran. I myself is still attached to UTHM. Many weeks I would be around the country on official duties. Most weekends I would not be around.

My loneliness will be felt once in a while. When I drive long distance, I may feel lonely. Yet I welcome that loneliness. It gives me the opportunity to gauge my feelings. To dwell on certain isues. Planning some activities pertaining to public interest.  It is more like public services in the form of informal education such as talks on parenting, motivation, career guidance, forums and seminars. I feel I should contribute to  society. Giving them back whatever is due to them. I owed them so much as citizen. As a student before.They educated me so it is fair enough that I return that favour. They scratched my back then, now I scratch their backs.

Nevertheless the memories that I spent with my children always come back. Sometimes I could still remember the days when my children were small. They were so cute. The are all beautiful to me. My loved ones. In my heart they never grow. They are still small. Soft and tender.   I still can visualise the time I bathed them. Dressed them. Rocked them. The moments that I caressed them. Cajoled them. Prompting them. Of course I strongly remember the time I disciplined them. There are standards that they had to follow. Certain qualities that they have to uphold. Most of the times there was no compromise. A standard is a standard. Even after they have all grown up (the youngest is 18 now) they are still required to adhere to those standards. By the way the eight has a blog of his own  A blog for him to express his thought. Or to expound on any subject  deemed worth thinking. The rest seemed to a share a blog The latter is dedicated to their mother who has taught them so much. A huge tribute. An upbringing full of discipline. Never any compromise. Maybe it was the recipe for success. It could be the only recipe.

I was maybe a bit lenient. But I used to uphold whatever is imposed by my wife. She needed my support. It was the only way to impart a sense of responsibility unto my children. Alhamdulillah, they grew from that situation. They went to the wide world. To be alone. Self independent. When they come back they have self respect. Have moral judgement. Able to make decisions. Well aware of any adverse situation. Most importantly they have adversary quotient (AQ) dan excellent in emotional quotient (EQ). Two ingredients necessary for success. Guiding them to the distant future. The unknown. But  with certainty.

Children with well upbringing do gain success in their lives. Being  well educated, they should never become boomerang kids. Not to trouble their parents again. Not to be thrown out and come back hurtling and hurting back. Should never hit back. Should never give the slightest hint that their lives are in a mess. In disarray. Everything should be portrayed as happiness and well taken care off. When children are sent away, they are to learn and to acquire those ingredients for the worst in life. Be prepared for the worst. The future is always very harsh. Education is to overcome any uncompromising position in the years ahead. Just imagine if they come back as boomerang. Parents will be dejected. Something somewhere things did not performed accordingly. Something was made wrong.

 Down in my heart, I deeply remember the times gone by. Parents do become old. Yet their memories remain intact. Sticking in their mind until the end of time. Children will take over that turn when their time come completing that circle. Parents are parents. Always loving their dear children. Bearing better hopes for the best in them. I love you all. Yes! I always do. I have given you all the best there was. Of course with some limitations. Take stock and go for the future with vigour. The future should always be better. InsyaAllah.

No comments:

Post a Comment